My name is Sonja. I got pregnant when I was 19. The details of my story aren’t different from millions of others, so there’s no point in going into all that. But I want to emphasize that I knew the difference between right and wrong. I was raised in the church. I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night prayer meeting, and vacation Bible school every year until junior high. I went to church camp a few times. I can’t claim ignorance. When I had my abortion, I had to override all of the standards that I had been raised with. I regretted that abortion even before it was over, but in my mind … there was no one to turn to for help. I never told my parents because I was afraid. My boyfriend told his parents, and they were completely in favor of abortion. In fact, they paid for the abortion of their first grandchild. I was filled with grief and anger, but there was no one to talk to about it. I want you to know that even though abortion is intentional, it is a pregnancy loss, and women need to grieve. Gulping back the grief and struggling to keep your conscience quiet about what abortion did to your unborn child is utterly exhausting. In fact, it can’t be done. The best you can do is weight down under denial. I remember my own rationalizations… unwed motherhood… parents’ disapproval… financial fears… fear. I hated myself so much for what I did that I eventually punished myself by aborting a second baby. I was depressed and angry for years. I battled thoughts of suicide. It took a l-o-n-g time for me to find help and healing for the damage caused by the abortions and the surrounding behaviors that developed because of my unexpressed grief and anger. Here’s how my healing journey began – A man named George delivered a presentation at a church I was attending about 14 years ago. He was the director of a pregnancy resource center. I thank God for the man who was my pastor at that time. He was way ahead of the vast majority of ministers, even today. I was a few months into maternity leave after the birth of my son. I was (and am) married to a very kind man who loved me, I had a smart, healthy 8-year-old daughter and a beautiful baby boy. I should have been happy, but I was a mess. I had been deeply depressed for years, but I did my level best to hide that from everyone. I was 35 years old, and I was worn out from trying to ignore all the pain and grief. I knew I was damaged, and I was ready to deconstruct my wall of denial. I wanted to learn to trust God and other people. God’s timing is perfect, so when George showed up at our church my wall was already crumbling, and I was ready for help. In a post-abortion Bible study with four other women I started the grieving process and began to heal. When I finished the study, I knew I wanted to “go public” and tell people the truth about abortion and help other women find the peace and healing I had found. I now do that by teaching a post abortion Bible study called SaveOne.
We are right to fight for the rights of the unborn, but we must also share Christ’s love with the millions of women who have already had abortions. The church must create an atmosphere of trust so that we can share the gospel of Christ with them. I know that when a post-abortive woman experiences healing, she is often extremely passionate about telling everyone how abortion hurt her and how Christ healed her. She is free to speak publicly so that others will hear the truth that abortion hurts women, but that there’s hope and healing in Jesus Christ. We must tell post-abortive men and women that it’s safe to share their pain and grief with us. When we do that, joy will replace mourning, and millions of voices will join with ours in telling the world the truth.