Baby in the Closet

This little tattered bag is not just some ordinary paper bag.

On a cool, clear and starry night I was handed this little tattered, paper bag. “What’s this” I asked. “It’s a baby.” She answered. This is moment1 the White as Wool / Breaking Through Ministry began!

That was the night I was given the ashes of a baby girl at church.  We celebrated her life at the White as Wool Memorial for Life dedication ceremony.

This little baby girl was born over 17 years ago, severely deformed and struggling for her very life.  This sweet baby didn’t live for very long and she died.  She (her ashes) was left by those that loved her most, in an apartment.  Their hearts must have been so broken.  She was found by someone who knew what this little bag contained and they kept her ashes in a closet for many years.

Not knowing what else to do, her ashes were almost discarded.  Then this little green bag was given to White as Wool Ministries.  In this little tattered bag was a white box with her ashes, a hand knitted pink blankie, a little teddy bear that fits just in the palm of your hand, a sea shell and a dried rose from her birth mommy.  Her name was Nikki.

Baby Nikki represents countless babies that are lost in miscarriage, whose families don’t have any remains to bury.  She also represents the countless babies that died at our own tragic choice of abortion.  She represents … a mothers’ broken heart.

At our White as Wool Ministries Memorial for Life dedication Nikki was the first of many babies’ lives who will be remembered there.  Many women and men joined us as we honored this sweet baby girl and also a baby boy named Abel who was lost in a recent miscarriage … but never forgotten.

We remember and celebrate that our babies are in glory with Jesus Christ our Lord.


God arranged an amazing meeting!  The mommy of baby Nikki was found and contacted.  It took many prayers and tears and waiting on God.  But God arranged telephone contact with those involved with White as Wool ministries and the mommy of baby Nikki.  Her name … Monique.  Can you believe she lives in California?  Then … she was brought to the White as Wool Ministries “Breaking Through Young Women’s Conference” at Calvay Chapel Costa Mesa to just enjoy the day.

Those who brought Monique could barely contain their joy.  Then … it happened.  I saw her through the crowd of hundreds of other girls.  Our eyes met, I ran to her and we hugged.  Everyone that knew what was happening cried.  In a way we all knew Monique.  We loved her and her baby Nikki even before we ever met.  And there she stood in person.  We couldn’t believe what God was doing.  But He wasn’t finished yet.

Though we weren’t’ sure if Monique could make the conference or not, a front row seat was reserved for her and we also brought … baby Nikki.  But Nikki was no longer in the paper bag.  We put her in a beautiful urn that was in the shape of an angel holding a Bible.

The last speaker did an alter  call.  I went on stage to close the event and thank everyone for coming.   I looked down at the front row and the seat Monique was previously sitting in was empty.  “Oh no!  Where did she go?  Did she leave?”

I hurried off the stage after the event was completed and went to those that brought her “Where did she go?  I don’t see her.”   “Lisa, Monique went forward and accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior.  She’s in the back prayer room right now.”

Tears of joy were shared with all the girls that saw what God was doing.  But He wasn’t finished yet!

She came out of the prayer room,  beaming with a smile.  We hugged and loved her and then … as the sanctuary started to empty, there was one more gift God had for us.  We took Monique back into the prayer room, we sat her down as we were all aglow.  I brought out the familiar little tattered green bag and handed it to Monique.  She looked at it in disbelief.  Then … the angel urn.  No longer was Nikki stored in a tattered green bag we told her – God knew how much even the very ashes of this baby meant to Nikki’s mommy.  We handed her the angel and Monique wept with joy.  “I thought her ashes were thrown in the trash!”  In silence we all sat in awe of how much God loves her that He knew this reunion was just what this new Christian girl needed.

But our reunion in heaven with those we have lost will far exceed this experience!

God used this tragic loss of a child over 7 years ago to bring this preciuos broken hearted mommy to His throne at the Breaking Through conference.  That’s how much He loves her.  And that’s how much He loves YOU.