Kim thank you so much for sharing your story for all of us to read. I know that your story will touch more hearts that you can ever know.

Love Lisa

The healing has begun – Matthew West

I had a rough and emotional weekend. The enemy has plotted an attack against me! Through my dreams, my daughter and then with her dad. As I stand crying in my bathroom I ask God “Why do I still feel so emotional when I see my daughter’s dad” and telling him it’s as if I feel a darkness within me still. I prayed for God to reveal to me WHY? After a few moments of silence I heard “It has to come to surface” I then ask God what has to come to surface? “The darkness within has to be shown into the light in order to overcome it”. Job 12:22 He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into the light.
I then praised God for the things that took place this weekend because it brought me to my next testimony. One that I’ve held onto for 2 ½ years. Something that I had experienced 10 years ago. It is an emotional one for me & one of the hardest things I endured in my life. So allow me to share this testimony with you and to show you how God can use a bad situation for good. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. If I don’t share my testimony with others then the enemy keeps me bound to him and keeps me from helping others.
Me and my daughter’s dad were together for 3 years but she wasn’t the only one I was supposed to have. I never knew the effect an abortion could have on a person until I experienced it myself. I chose to make everyone’s life easier but didn’t realize the effect it would have on me. It took 7 years for me to seek God and ask for forgiveness. Psalm 103:3 Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases. God does! :) But I never shared this testimony with anyone after. Why?? You know many woman have abortions everyday and then stay silent about it because of the shame the devil places over them. Job 10:15 …..I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction. I knew I was forgiven but the shame was still there. Did I truly feel forgiven? Hmmmm I felt I was but God shows me this shame that the enemy has hung over my head has stopped me from helping woman who suffer from abortions. I’ve longed to help woman who dealt with this issue due to the fact that I know what it’s done to me but how can I help others when I wasn’t fully healed? How can I speak to these woman if I’m scared of what to say? Our testimonies are not meant to be kept silent. It’s to be shared with the world. The enemy thought he had me for a second, but he’s dumb! He couldn’t see what God had planned for me from the attacks he’d throw my way. I’m headed in the right direction. I pray that this testimony will touch someone’s life as all testimonies do.

Here is my story:

I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 and had a beautiful, healthy baby girl and when it came time for my 6 week check up I found out I was pregnant again. My little girl was only a month and a half when I found out and I was so overwhelmed by the news. Now I had made the decision before I even had children that I would never have an abortion, but little did I know that all that was going to change. I didn’t get the support I needed or wanted from anyone. I was blinded from God’s truth because I didn’t have a relationship with the Lord, so the enemy deceived me into thinking that getting an abortion was the only way. I was so scared, uneducated & lonely right before I did it. I can remember wanting the father of the baby to stand up for me and say “No, were going to have this baby and raise it together”, but he didn’t, he agreed with everyone so I gave in and aborted my baby. I was told that my baby was a blob of tissue and that the abortion was a safe procedure. (What a lie from the devil!) I will never forget the conversations in the clinic or the room I was in or the way it felt when the medication went through my veins. As soon as it was over and they woke me up, I began to cry out because I knew I had just killed my baby. What have I done???? How could I??? I had felt as if I committed the worst sin POSSIBLE! But God says no sin is greater than another. I felt as if God could NEVER forgive me for murdering my own flesh and blood….. Psalm 65:3 When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. After the procedure, everyone acted as if I never went through that experience. They just ignored it and never talked about it. It was eating me up inside. I was so ashamed, depressed, I felt not worthy of forgiveness. The enemy kept me in bondage for years! Reminding me over and over what I had done, telling me it was my fault why I miscarried twice after and that I was being punished. He tormented me in my dreams. But enough was enough!!! Psalm 38:18 I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. That’s when I was introduced to Lisa Musil and joined the “Forgiven and Set Free” bible study class where I have met an amazing group of women; so strong and beautiful and not afraid to share their stories. This class has not only helped me with the loss of my babies but has opened my eyes to a lot of other problems I had following the abortion experience; Anger, Bitterness, Depression, Anxiety & Guilt. I have asked God for his forgiveness and he has forgiven me. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. The enemy can only try to use suggestions & ideas to make us think were not forgiven but I see that God has comforted me in my healing process, God has given me the peace I’ve been looking for and God has set me free from my sins. He was there with me the whole time, I just had to reach out and grab onto him. I now have the healing I’ve longed for and am not ashamed of my experience. I’ve revealed my dark past into the light and it cannot hurt me anymore. I praise him for that storm I went through because I will be used as a light in someone else’s dark world.

There’s a world full of people dying from broken hearts
Holding onto the guilt, thinking they fell to far
So don’t be afraid to show em your beautiful scars
Because their the proof
You’re the proof
The healing has begun

To my angels: Ayanna Lani Kua Ka’a, Isaiah Kanoa & Cathleen Anela; Mommy loves you and we’ll be together one day and spend eternity together!

I know too well the pain of being violated and I am glad you have reached out to us, I hope that through what we have to share with you will be of great help in your time of need. I have prayed and taken time to respond, asking wisdom from the Lord as He knows every hair upon your head, your thoughts, struggles and your pain.

Your question I am sure is one that is asked by many people What exactly is forgiveness? I love the way you express other questions regarding forgiveness and it has caused me to think and ponder . . . to look deeper into God’s Word for the ultimate answer . . . as Christ is all wisdom from above.

Let us look into Matthew 6:12-15 Forgiveness in Scripture.

Looking into the Greek meaning: Means to send, to go to send forth,: cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside leave let (alone, be go, have), Omit put (send) away, remit, suffer yield up…

Let’s take a deeper look using some of the examples from the meaning of forgiveness…

Let ~ Alone
Let ~Be
Let ~Go

In our relationship to God, in prayer we can pour out all that we are holding on within us, in anguish we can cry out to Him. It is as if He is waiting for you to give it to Him, to yield it up to Him in surrender. What you went through is too heavy a load for you to bear. He would plead, daughter .. give that to me, let me take it from you, He was there and knows what happened. Comforting, Jesus would say, daughter it is ok… now you have sent it to Me, lay it aside . . .

Now Let it alone . . . Let it be . . . let it go … let me have that . . The past has to be let go so that we can more forward. Philippians 3:13

When we hold onto bitterness, unforgiveness and anger I believe it does us so much harm. it is like an open wound, no healing will take place when the infection of bitterness, hatred unforgiveness and anger fester there. God in His wisdom asks us in simple obedience by faith to forgive. He is the Great Physician,the One who heals where an earthly doctor cannot reach. Forgiveness indeed is a prescription to help heal deep wounds that have been inflicted on us by others. Our example is Christ Himself . . who uttered those words from the agony of the cross . . Father forgive them . . .

.For myself the understanding of my own sins being forgiven, the sinful wretch that I am forgiven by the shed blood of Christ. Who suffered as an Innocent man, for me whom He loved as a sinner, I stood in my own guilt and shame, Yet became a New Creature in Christ. II Corinthians 5:17

As I grew in knowledge of the Scriptures, I simply in obedience and by faith called my earthly father to tell Him I had forgiven Him. It was freeing to me . . . but His response was excuses and a pitiful almost vile explanation of why he did what he did. If my father had no true repentance . . he will face the anger and wrath of a God who declares . . . there is an appointed time for man to die and then the judgement!

I also suffered nightmares . . . but as I have let go . . .they have faded and I do not get them as much. But when I do I pray, I give it right back to the Lord. I know that you shared you have not told anyone what has happened, In not holding on to the past . . pray about opening up, breaking the torment of the silence and sharing with someone you trust what happened. Although extremely difficult and emotional it may help. I have had women write it out, even expressing the anger and hatred in what they felt they would like do to that person in retribution. Others have a friend they can pray with, so never feel isolated . . there are so many of us and we are here for each other. Please contact us any time . . .

Much love Claire

Forgiveness is truly something that is deep and goes beneath the surface of your being. It required blood for us to have that forgiveness.

It’s so important for you to remember that a forgiveness that you may offer is not to set your predator free. It is to set you free. You are not releasing this man from his responsibility or his accountability to God. You are releasing yourself from the prison of the emotions and the trauma that un-forgiveness has on you.

Sometimes we even need something tangible to actually exercise that forgiveness.

What I have done is asked Claire to share from her heart with you about the forgiveness God gave to her to give to her dad. I wanted you to hear from someone that has traveled the very same path you have traveled. Somehow, for some reason, there is comfort knowing that the person that is sharing with you has traveled a road you are about to travel.

Claire wanted to read, to pray and take her time in responding to you as her heart is so tender for you.

Please know that we will be praying for you and if you should need anything, please know that I am here any time you should need to talk.

In Him – Lisa Musil

What exactly is “Forgiveness”? I am not talking about God forgiving us per se. I know God says to forgive – - but what exactly does forgiveness mean? What does it look like, what does it feel like, how do you know if you have forgiven? Is it a feeling? Is it an action? Is it just a decision? I really, really need to know.

I am 60 years old now, but I still have nightmares…. During these nightmares I wake my husband by screaming in my sleep. I resent the power of being violated still creeping into my dreams, disturbing my peace. I still feel anger – - rage really. But I can not talk about what has happened to me. I am highly educated, worked at successful jobs, have had a wonderful marriage to my husband for 30 years. I am a Christian. I have really prayed to release the effects. I still feel rage, anger and real hatred for this person who is still alive, who is a menace to society, who has never worked, is a pedafile, theif, liar, alcoholic, drug addict.

Can you place me on a prayer list? I don’t want to die with unforgiveness in my heart, but I honestly don’t know what forgiveness really is, because I don’t feel peace with how I feel. For so many years I held onto my hatred and anger, as it kept me “safe” as he became afraid of my hatred and anger.